I stumbled upon this in my 2003 archives and have decided to post it again, mainly because 13 years later, it rings even truer.
The Perks of Being Over
– Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
– In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
– No one expects you to run into a burning building.
– People call at 9PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”.
– People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
– There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
– Things you buy now won’t wear out.
– You can eat dinner at 4PM.
– You can live without sex but not without glasses.
– You enjoy hearing about other peoples’ operations.
– You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
– You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
– You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
– You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
– You sing along with elevator music.
– Your eyes won’t get much worse.
– Your health plan is beginning to pay off.
– Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
– Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
– Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Contributed at the time by Jen.